I get all kinds of messages in my FetLife inbox, but I felt this one was worth sharing. It was a politely written request for advice from @SissyKlara. (I have her consent to publish her message, her ID and her photos.) Many of klara’s questions and worries were similar to those I’d heard from other sissies, grappling with relationships. In case any of this might help other sissies or partners, I wanted to share our exchange.
Subject: Sissy relationship advice
Hello Mistress Virago curtsey, i am humbly writing to You in search of some relationship advice. my story is one You probably heard a million times before: i am in a relationship with a girl that i like and admire, but i am afraid that my sissy tendencies might doom this relationship.
i have made steps to mitigate this by telling her i like cross-dressing, chastity, and even dressed for her, she has even gone so far as to peg me. But i fear this might have just made it worse as she is not naturally dominant. i know this might all sound selfish and You may judge me for it but i believe i need to be completely dominated in my life and i am not sure if this is possible blushes.
So i reach out to You in hopes of good news, or realistic advice. Is it possible that she could fulfill my selfish desires or am i fooling myself? Or am i in fact just being selfish.
Kind regards, sissy klara.
Hello sissy klara
You’re not alone in having this dilemma. But you’ve already made it much further in being honest with your girlfriend than most sissies. And that’s really positive. You’re getting to live out a lot of your kink.
So you essentially have a choice: enjoy a relationship where your kinks are accepted but not totally fulfilled. Or sacrifice all that to seek out a D/ partner… with no guarantees.
The other option – how does your gf feel about consensual non-monogamy? Could you get what you need by bringing in a D/ person to sissify and dominate you regularly?
Would your gf like to be Dommed too if she’s a bit subby?
As your gf is pretty accepting, it’s worth telling her your needs and having a discussion. Maybe she has needs that you can’t meet?
It’s worth trying to find a way forward together.
I hope that helps.
And just to confirm, it’s entirely possible to have a 24/7 D/s relationship. But it’s hard to find…it tends to be a long process.
Thank You very much for Your response Mistress excited smile
Your response helped me decide to try and continue working on this relationship. i will try to bring up the topic of outside domination. In fact i did this before and she did not seem to be too opposed, i mentioned visiting a pro domme that i visited once in the past to either be dominated together or for her to learn how to dominate me. But because of corona this is currently less possible.
i guess my main problem is the embarrassment of explaining how deep my depravity goes blushes. i have explained i like to be dominated but not about wanting to be humiliated and degraded and do not know how to bring it up.
In the past she also exhibited some curiosity about me sharing her, tho that seems to have passed.
Anyway, i thank You very much for Your response and advice and wish You a happy and fun new year curtsey
I’m really glad my thoughts helped you, klara.
Your gf seems very open and supportive. And it seems you have a good opportunity to create a relationship that works for both of you. When you write your own rules together, it gives both of you the best chance of being happy.
It’s unrealistic to expect one person to fulfil your every need. Bringing in others can be very positive.
So be brave and admit your real needs, even if it makes you cringe. It’s the fastest way to fulfilling them.
I really hope to hear from sissy klara again, and to find out how things are going. There’s no universally right or wrong answer to finding the right balance in a relationship. But from personal experience, having conversations about your kinks with a prospective partner as early as possible is a good idea. Fessing up later is tough on both parties, and isn’t a good position to negotiate from if you want to change things. Do the tough be and be honest upfront, and don’t feel bad about expressing your needs and your feelings. You didn’t choose to be a sissy and have kinks…just like people don’t choose to be lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer or any other ID. I didn’t choose to be a Domme. It’s just in me. Explain your sexuality to your partner, but don’t apologise for it. You deserve to get what you need from life as much as they do.
Do you have any relationship advice for sissies in klara’s situation? Leave a comment.