I’ve always had a thing for sissies, before I fully understood it, or had the right language for it.
And it started young. When I was about 6, ‘sissy’ was a playground word, an insult for boys who weren’t boyish enough, who preferred to play with the girls at breaktime, who cried easily, who got bossed about, who liked to play dress-up. These were the boys I liked the most. I had one particular ‘friend’ of this type whom I adored. Let’s call him Kerry. He was a delicate little boy, curly blonde hair, skinny, musical, and picked on by the other boys for being ‘like a girl’. Well, I’d been raised to fight bullies, so I gleefully punched, bit and kicked anyone picking on Kerry, and Kerry became my ‘poppet’ as the teachers put it. When I moved to junior school a few years later, it was a boy called ‘William’. In those relationships, I was the one who led, I decided the games we played and who we played with. And I acted as defender. This was all totally natural to me.
So, is dominance innate? Something that is in you and will always come out? For me, it feels very much, ‘Yes’.
But why did I have an attraction to effeminate boys? Was I defending femininity? Or defending someone’s right to be themselves? All questions I’ll try to unravel in future posts.