I read a post on Twitter a few weeks ago which said, “Where can I find a woman to call Daddy?”
It made me smile. It was posted by a non-binary person with sissy leanings, so I understood the meaning.
But it also sparked a lot of thoughts for me. Would this wistful sissy ever get their wish? Or is trying to find a woman who identifies as a Daddy even tougher than trying to find a FemDom?
I’ve definitely noticed more Dominant women taking some ownership of the term #Daddy lately. Search @Daddy_AnLi on Twitter as an example who’s taken full ownership of it. I’ve also seen an increase in female-presenting Dommes taking the title Master or Sir, whilst still using she/her pronouns. (And just to be clear, in this article, I’m not talking about trans people who are entitled to choose any title they feel comfortable with. I’m talking about the apparent trend in female/AFAB Dominants using male titles.)
I’m interested by this phenomenon on a number of levels.
So, what’s driving the claim on male titles by people who aren’t AMAB (assigned male at birth)?
Could it be the ‘King/Queen’ scenario, where the Domme feels that a female title is somehow ‘lesser’ than a male one? It’s a fair point. We’re all living in a society that still believes a king to be more powerful and worthy than a queen. *eye roll*
This is summed up nicely by a lyric in a recent track, Daisy by Ashnikko.
“Fuck a princess, I’m a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring”
She’s right. In day-to-day, vanilla exchanges, ‘Prince’ is a compliment. ‘Princess’ can be infantalising, patronising or insulting. Gendered terms are still so loaded against women. In this case, taking a male title is a rejection of being seen as ‘lesser’. It’s a demand for respect and equality. (No one has ever called me ‘princess’, thank fuck.)
Taking power from the patriarchy
It’s a small step to move from this rejection to a more empowering idea – that femme-presenting Dommes have decided to rip male titles out of male hands and show the patriarchy that they no longer own the exclusive rights to them. Women can be ‘Master’, ‘Sir’ and ‘Daddy’. Another wonderful strike against male privilege.
The opening lines from Ashnikko in Daisy:
“You don’t wanna see me bratty
Pet the kitty, call me catty
Make your man call me Daddy
He talk too much, he’s too chatty”
The statement of ultimate female power – to make a man call you ‘Daddy’. (And tell him to shut up.)
I’ve certainly made my sissy jessie call me ‘Master’ and ‘Sir’ before now to drive home the fact I’m more masc and sexually capable than she’ll ever be. And also to demonstrate that she’ll call me whatever I tell her to call me. I’m the Dominant, and all labels are mine to use.
A fetish for a particular D/ title
As I thought about that wistful sissy’s wish, I wondered if the word ‘Daddy’ holds a particularly strong, fetishy power over them. Perhaps the word and all it encompasses gets them off. How it feels to say it, what it means to say it, the feelings of submission it sparks, imagining how that ‘Daddy’ would treat them. I can relate to that. ‘Sissy’ is a word that holds power for me. If it’s possible to perv on a word, I perv on ‘sissy’. There is so much kinky promise in it. Equally, in terms of my title, ‘Mistress’ is the word that chimes with me most, (I love it) though there is much more to my gender expression.
Bent, queer and in control
I certainly bend gender. My daywear can be very masc/Master, always with a clear Alt/Dominant style. Other days, I’m in my FemDom daywear, leather leggings, heeled boots and a handcuff necklace. But if I’m sessioning, I’m always unmistakably FemDom. Corsets, killer boots, shiny PVC, luscious leather, skin-warm latex, silver studs, lace-up gloves and an ever-hard strap-on.
I feel my power in this guise. And it feels more subversive. Society still tells us every day that women are a lesser power, that they are less sexual than men, that their sexuality is naturally submissive. Even in BDSM writing, the language is set by default to assume the man is the Dominant player. It means there’s nothing extraordinary about a man in a Dominant role.
But someone AFAB in this role? Someone the casual observer would take for a woman? That’s a much greater taboo. And one I love to embody. ‘Mistress’ as a title stands against all the old, constrictive norms and assumptions. When my sissies say ‘Yes, Mistress,’ I get off on it. I feel desired. I feel powerful. That stands, whether we’re in a session or standing the queue in M&S.
What’s your hot-button title?
I haven’t asked my sissy girls if ‘Mistress’ has a particular effect on them; whether they find it particularly erotic to call me ‘Mistress’…or if a different title would be more or less erotic. But it’s an interesting question.
I’d be interested in what other sissies think too. If a FemDom demanded you call Her Master or Daddy, would it turn you on…or off…or make no difference? Is the idea of having a female Daddy or Master hot? And would you expect a female Daddy to Dominate you differently to a female Mistress? Leave a comment. I’d love to know.
ADDENDUM TO MY ORIGINAL BLOG (28/12/20) – I found a blog by a leatherdyke that goes into the identity of female Daddies in real depth. It’s an educational and mind-opening read.
If you want to hear that Ashnikko track, https://open.spotify.com/track/0AUvWawuP0ibk4SQ3sIZjk
If you want to see a drag-tastic, raunchy, wet, kinky pop video, watch ‘Daddy’ by LAGANJA ESTRANJA, here’s 5 minutes of perfect pervery. It’ll tell you a lot about what I like to see. Enjoy!
(PS – the pic on this blog is me and sissy jessie, my little shamedoll.)