I’m a Dominant. And I move in BDSM spaces. If a submissive wishes to approach me in these spaces, then I expect them to acknowledge my status and message me in an appropriate way.
I know that a lot of Dominant women don’t want to be addressed as ‘Mistress’ by someone they’ve never heard from before. This isn’t me. The name on my profile reads ‘Mistress Virago’. Therefore, an unknown sub calling me ‘Mistress’ is natural. (Calling me ‘My Mistress’ is not ok.)
How a sub makes that first approach into my Fetlife or TVChix inbox is crucial to what happens next for them…because I judge them on it. Not just on what they say, but on how they say it. And I’m amazed by the numbers of so-called submissives who don’t know any written protocol.
(I’m writing a book for sissies, on how to serve a modern Mistress, and there’s a whole chapter on written protocol.)
What does written protocol look like?
At its most basic, it’s the practice of capitalising words like ‘You’ and ‘Your’ when you’re referring to the Dominant. And uncapping words like ‘I’ and writing your name with a lowercase first letter. Eg “Hello Mistress. i’m sissy casey. I love Your profile.”
When I read a message written this way, I know immediately that the person has at least some education in D/s protocol. They’re likely to have spent time talking to other people on the scene or they’ve read up on BDSM etiquette. This is a good start. This will make me judge them favourably, and that increases their chances of a reply.
Better still, start with a *curtsey*
One of the first things I teach my sissies is that there is a whole world of written body language and physical expression that is to be used when conversing with me. Think of it as expressing the things I’d see if you were in front of me and I was scrutinising you. And it looks like this. Words framed by asterisks.
What you put inside those asterisks is up to you.
You can use them to greet me with a *curtsey*, or tell me you’re…
*giggling* *nervous* *blushing*
Equally, it lets me tell you I’m…
*amused* *frowning* *hands on hips*
And (if you’re lucky enough to get to this stage) it let’s me give you an
Or a…*smack on the bottom*
It’s literally the D/s dynamic on the page. For me, it’s a wonderful way for a sub to show their personality and imagination.
This is from a Kik conversation with @sissy_delphie
For a first message, I wouldn’t expect a sissy to go overboard with this, and they don’t need to. Just greeting me with a *curtsey*, then opening with ‘Good morning Mistress Virago’ would tell me they knew how to speak to a Dominant. Once again, I’m more likely to reply to a sissy who addresses me this way.
There are some sissies who think emojis do the same job as written protocol. They don’t. I want to see individual care and attention in the messages I receive. It shows me that a sissy is willing to take time and trouble to show me proper respect…because adding in this extra layer of body language takes effort. If you’re looking to make a first impression, this is one you want to make…to look like someone worth conversing with. Emojis are lazy…and vanilla.
Don’t use them. Show your best submissive side instead.
(Mind you, no amount of written protocol can save you if you fail to serve me properly, as this sissy found out. *dominant gleam*)