As a Domme, erotic humiliation is a big turn on for me. But when you take that dynamic outside of four walls and into the world, it gets really interesting. And that’s definitely a place I love to play. There’s been a lot written about not forcing vanilla folk to witness explicit BDSM interactions in public. And there are quite a few opinions on this in the community, ranging from ‘Be invisible at all times’ to ‘I don’t give a fuck.’ I think it depends on what sort of public play we’re talking about.
‘On Probation For Miss Foxx’
If you’re a UK kinkster, there’s a strong chance you’ll remember this from 2019. Miss Foxx walking a fully dressed man on a leash through Waterloo station on a ‘Public bitch walk’. Of course the police turned up. But what’s interesting is the quote from a British Transport Police spokesperson on the incident, who said: ‘We were made aware of it and alerted to it. However, there was no real offence committed, and therefore there were no arrests or cautions. They were spoken to by officers and left the station shortly after.’ So, ‘no real office committed’. But it was pretty clear that this was a public display of D/s.
The pros and the nos
ProDommes are always useful when it comes to understanding how much we can ‘get away with’ when playing in public.
Seems an extended humiliation scene is fine on the streets of London, when a photographer is present, as this frames it as a performance; something that’s ok to be witnessed by the public.
But Domming someone (pretty explicitly) in a random pub in Ulverston, Cumbria is most definitely not ok.
So, where’s the middle ground? One ProDomme (and I wish I could remember who it was) made an incisive comment on public play. She often takes her clients out in public, looking outwardly vanilla. They go to public spaces, shops, restaurants – sometimes very expensive ones. She said something to the effect of: “I take care not to flaunt anything specifically BDSM, but I don’t care if people think I’m a complete bitch!”
And she went on to explain that she does public humiliation by treating her sub as if they’re just a bag carrier, or a PA, a cash machine or the world’s worst boyfriend. She does this verbally and physically, eg walking ahead of them, being rude and condescending, belittling them in front of restaurant staff. So she acts like a primadonna. The vanillas just see a rude, arrogant, frustrated woman. But the sub has the time of their life (often while wearing lingerie, plug and chastity device secretly under their clothes, of course).
A humiliation whore
Jessie was always a humiliation whore. Just so hot for it. She was the sissy who introduced me to the dynamic of ‘erotic humiliation’. About 15 years ago, there used to be a website – erotichumilition.com – which we were both really hooked on. There were so many amazing experiences on there, and so many ideas.
The thing about humiliation is that it needs an audience to really catch fire. You want to feel the burn? You really need someone’s eyes on you. Like those of your Mistress, feeding like a vampire on your shame and arousal. This is why humiliation can be such an intense scene in D/s. It’s intimate. The better you know each other’s kinks, the stronger you can make that humiliation and the bigger thrill you get. It’s a story that you tell together. Sometimes it doesn’t require words. Sometimes it only requires words.
I didn’t consent to that
Let’s go back to consent for a minute. I’ve been subjected to plenty of things on the street and in public places that I didn’t consent to, from the grimy arse crack of the man walking in front of me to being catcalled by men in vans, having to use unisex toilets where men are pissing all over the floor with the cubicle door open, to having my personal space invaded by some mouth-breathing perv on the bus, to watching people punching each other outside the pub. I consented to none of that, yet I had to put up with it. So, there is a streak in me that’s like ‘I’ve had to suck it up. Anyone who wants to look too closely at what I’m doing in public can suck it up too.’
If you do look too closely, what do you see?
To be clear, most of my public play wouldn’t get me or my sissies arrested. But there have been moments, particularly with jessie, where her level of exposure could get her into serious trouble. For example, stripping naked on a deserted street in a residential area. But she’s a seasoned public player. I trust her to take those rush-inducing, heart-pounding, hands-shaking, knee-buckling risks. And she chooses her moments wisely. After all, she has a whole vanilla life and career on the line. She’s in media and something of a public figure.
And that makes the whole public thing just so much more deviantly addictive. It’s such high stakes. As the Dominant in this dynamic, I feel the same physical, arousing rush. It’s wildly exciting to witness such risky submission, to know that your sissy is melting with the humiliation, yet at the same time, riding a sexual shame high. I get the same high off being the instigator of her experience. I’m seeing my power. And I’m turned on by this.
Afterburn – reliving the experience
During public play, there’s often so much going on in the moment, that it’s hard for the submissive to fully connect with it. If it’s an exposure scene, they’re fumbling with clothes, looking around to check the risk level, trying to take pics or vids if their Domme isn’t present. It’s a lot to deal with. Yes, they feel everything, but there’s no time to process it. And that’s where afterburn comes in. After the experience is over, the burn of erotic humilation continues. In the moments after, the hours after, and even days and months after.
In the moments after (if we’re talking high-risk exposure), now the immediate risk has gone, my sissy gets to enjoy all those intense, adrenalised feelings. But it may be hours later, when she’s finally alone in private, that she can tap into the full eroticism of it, replay the scene in her mind (or play the video *smirking* ) and get off on it…if she has permission. (Or stroke and not cum, if you’re jessie.)
I must ask jessie to write about ‘afterburn’ as I would like to hear about this in more detail.
As the Dominant, I definitely get off later to these scenes, as it’s usually pretty impossible to cum while it’s happening. And I find myself using these scenes many times over to turn myself on and get off.
We don’t have to take our clothes off…
Most of my public play is done with my sissies’ clothes on. For example, I put a pussy plug in sissy amanda, walked her to a local car park and, sent her into the toilets to put a condom on. Then we sat down together on a bench together…where I made her grind on her plug until she squirted in her panties. *dark smile* I could watch her every expression as she squirmed to that eventual, blush-inducing ruined orgasm, people casually passing by, totally unaware that we weren’t just two friends having a coffee on a bench. This got me so wet. I’ve also driven to quiet roads, parked the car and mercilessly teased her clitty in the passenger seat, sometimes with her panties on show. Her closed eyes, groans of denied arousal and passivity in this situation are like D/s catnip to me. In these situations, D/s is pretty much invisible.
Then there are the in-between examples – such as jessie fully dressed in vanilla attire subtly humping a lamppost or grovelling on her knees to kiss the ground in a busy station. I’ve made her go into a shop and buy things with a remote-control plug audibly vibrating in her pussy.
The lamppost and the vibrating plug would be beyond the pale for many BDSM players as the vanilla people involved didn’t consent. But I’m unrepentant. Every public scene is carefully considered, no minors are nearby – we’re emotionally intelligent people.
I’m comfortable with what me and my sissies do. And I plan to keep on doing it.