As a lifestyle Dominatrix, I get a lot of approaches from sissies who wish to become my owned plaything. A while ago, I’d been searching for a local sissy to serve in my home for about two years. I’d talked to over 50 sissies in that time, who were longing to become collared. I’ve trialled 5 contenders. Four failed to reach my standards. But finally, one sissy has made it all the way to Consideration – @sissy_delphie.
So, what does it take to be considered by a Lifestyle Mistress?
Introduce yourself in a polite, useful way. Make sure what Mistress is searching for are things you can offer. (Mistress’s pleasure is the priority. She’s not your fantasy-fulfilment vending machine.)
Have a grown-up profile. That means a full description about yourself and what you’re able to offer. Are you a creative person? An intellectual? An extrovert? A shy type? Newbie or experienced? The more you say, the more things might grab her interest. Don’t make her ask you a thousand questions.
Have photos that are clearly and genuinely you. You don’t have to show your face, but there’s no excuse for not showing the rest of yourself. Show Mistress what she has to play with and work with. (Personally, if you tell me you’re a sissy and you present 100% male in your photos, I’m going to doubt the validity of your approach and move on to the next person.)
Don’t have a pic of your genitals as your avatar. If you’re genuinely a sissy, you’ll already know that your clitty isn’t a priority to a Mistress. I don’t want to be greeted by a hairy arsehole either. And make sure your pics aren’t 90% genitals – yours or anyone else’s.
Be polite in all communications. Some Mistresses like written protocol. (I certainly do.) Other female Dominants don’t want you to call them Mistress until you’ve earned that right. So if in doubt, just show good manners.
Understand that if you get into a dialogue online or on Kik/WhatApp, you’re waiting on her pleasure. Don’t get huffy if she doesn’t reply immediately to your messages. She’s in charge. She’s setting the pace. And you have no idea what’s happening in her life. If you get radio silence for a long time, eg a week, send a polite message to say you hope things are ok, and you’ll be around when she’s ready. It’s called bowing out gracefully. That way, you leave the door open.
Be interested in her. So many sissies wanted me to Domme them without asking me a single question about my preferences or trying to explore my personality. This is such a fail! It says they don’t care what I’m like. And they don’t learn what makes me tick and how to gain my interest. Ask Mistress if you’re allowed to ask a few questions to learn more about her. Then ask the right questions. (Hint – not questions about what she wants to do to you.) You’re trying to start a dialogue that lets her work out if there’s any chemistry between you.
Play nicely with others. When I assess a sissy, I look at every inch of their profile. Status updates, captions on photos, their writing, their posts, their comments on other people’s photos and writings, their activity stream. And I form an opinion about them. If I can see you’re a rounded person who has positive things to say to others, I’m more likely to talk to you. If you say nothing, or act like a twat, you’re going to lose out.
Sissies – just know that any serious Mistress will check the fuck out of you before deciding to engage in a dialogue. Make sure you look like an appealing prospect and you stand a much better chance of winning her attention.
This is just the first part of how to get considered. I might write about how a sissy can excel at the next stage of communication and service if people are interested. EG, how to do well when you’re serving online and trying to prove yourself to your Mistress.
[This piece was first published on Fetlife. But I’ve had so much positive feedback, I wanted to make it accessible to kinksters without a Fetlife account.]